Back To Reality

Groan! We were on vacation for two weeks. Most of the time we were on the ocean. We have been home for a few days already but I allowed myself to stay in vacation mode until this morning. In the past two weeks, I:

• Have not had a doctor appointment - that changes as of 1045 AM this morning. I have an appointment with my therapist. Later this week I see the periodontist and have a medical exam for my Social Security Disability application. 
• Gone to the gym - I thought I needed a break. I haven't been sitting on my butt. I have gone and floated around the ocean and made sure I did get some exercise in.
• Taken care of housework or home repairs or work - Back to repainting the rooms in the house. I will start with one wall of the basement today. It will probably take me several days to finish because I have to rest in between but I really hate the dark navy blue that is on two of the walls down there. I figure it will take me a year to paint at this rate. The cleaning lady is coming on Wednesday so I also have to tidy up so she can clean.
• Gotten together with any friends. I am meeting one for lunch tomorrow and will probably catch up with a couple others on the phone in the next few days.

But this has been a welcome break. I don't think its a vacation if you keep doing all the things you normally do. Even thought I do not go to work any more, I do need a change of pace from time to time and get away from it all. 

Not having doctor appointments is a nice break. I tried not to think about my medical issues except when I am in so much pain I couldn't do anything. It was a needed mental health break. 

I usually go to the gym three times a week. I have felt a bit flabby from time to time but I also wanted to see how I physically do without going to the gym. A big part of it was to see if I actually had a reduction in pain by not exercising. Or to state it differently, are my regular workouts causing pain or other problems.

I have no schedule for painting the house. I just hate the colors the rooms were painted. I have no expectations that I am a perfect painter but since I can't work any more, I can't justify paying someone to paint. Nor to I expect to rush through this as I am so limited in my physical abilities. But its one thing that I can do to help around the house. 

Not talking to friends is fine. We were with my family and its not like I have a huge social calendar that needs to be juggled. I will catch up with all in the next few weeks. 

An emotional break from a lot of obligations made me relax more. Unfortunately it has to come to an end and I will go to the gym and my therapist this morning to get back in the swing of things. 

Stress is evil

I have been blogging a lot about my stress filled life. Stress is bad. But stress can be a motivator to make you try harder to do something better. But mostly its just bad.

My non-medical brain says that if you are stressed, you are tense, making bad choices, not getting enough rest. And that all leads to the bad things like high blood pressure, hypertension, and all sorts of other things. Google 'does stress cause cancer' and see how many hits you get. Then Google something a long the lines of the bad effects of stress, there will be lots. And if you search on the good effects of stress, there will be very few.

I spent some time this morning reading about the benefits of yoga. I have no idea why but for some reason I ended up there. I do not do yoga because my doctor says I should not do any exercise that requires me to twist and hold poses - this includes yoga and Pilates.

I have decided I really need to do something about the stressors in my life. Life always does have its ups and downs but learning to cope with them better will help a lot. I am not going to take up meditation - because I don't have time - but I do things that help me that are meditation-like. Knitting for example (google that one and you will understand) and gardening are the two that come to mind. I do one thing and focus on its mindlessness will allow me to relax and decompress. I also need to sleep better so I am rested. And eat better, because you can always eat better. And relax more.

If I prepare myself better for the stress in life, I will not get as stressed. I had too much stress and wasn't getting enough rest and I couldn't handle everything. The last thing I need is any more ailments, stress induced or not. That would be more stress. And I really do not need any more ailments.

Dealing with stress, or not

So I have had a tiny bit of stress in my life recently. And I have been trying to do too much and ended up exhausted. There is a difference between fatigue and exhaustion and being tired. When I hit the wall, I have all three.

Everyone goes through stressful periods in my life. When I am stressed, I become an emotional eater and eat everything in sight. Then when faced with a boat load of stress, I stop eating because I am too stressed. That would be nice, I am too fat, but I really don't need any more stress at this point.

I am going to spend the next seven days avoiding stress. I will get some rest and not stress. I am at the point where I am running out of the oomph I need to keep going. My phone is on quiet time, where I won't get beeps at every CNN headline or FB  notifications or Twitter.

I think if I went to a doctor appointment at this point I might get a reprimand of some kind for being too stressed and doing bad things to my blood pressure and all that. I have a doctor appointment a week from Monday so I have one week to whip myself into shape.

Crap. I'm doomed.

Its a holiday

We all need a  holiday once in a while. A holiday is a day to enjoy. Its Christmas and for the religious, they may include services in their day. For the non religious, services will probably be omitted. But for all we should take a day to include friends and family and food. Some will head to the movie theaters. Some will head to a Chinese restaurant.

As an official US holiday, we should take the time to enjoy ourselves. The news just listed a bunch of restaurants which are open today. Anyone who has to work, should have been given it as an option and not a requirement to keep their job.

Shopping? Absolutely not. Its not a day to rush out and spend money on things we don't need. I grew up in Massachusetts where on Sundays as a child, nothing was open except the drug store and corner store for a few hours. You could not go shopping if you wanted to. So we didn't. We enjoyed ourselves with friends and family.

Today, take a moment to enjoy yourself with out spending a cent. And with out going to a mall. Take a few minutes hours to enjoy what you have. Relax, don't think about work, and enjoy.

And appreciate your health.

Taking a mental break

I am traveling this weekend. I went to my college reunion (partly to prove to former classmates that I am not dead yet - but they are concerned about my health and some believe they should protect me safety cones and a rope around me so nothing happens).  Its nice to see them again. We are staying in the dorms and eating in the dining hall just like way back when.

Its also a mental break from the stresses at home. I need a few days away where my health can be ignored while we reminisce.

We had a discussion last night on reasons for happiness. Money isn't important, but more feeling content, enjoying what you do and being able to get a sense of satisfaction from giving back in some way. It was interesting. Money doesn't buy happiness once you can pay for a roof over your head and put food on the table.... just some food for thought this morning.

Your brain on creativity

I have blogged this before that during chemo a friend told me I needed a hobby and I took up knitting and crocheting. That was the fall of 2007. I have since made scarves for almost everyone I know and even ventured into craft shows where I sell my wares at the holiday season. I have become a yarn junkie and am a member of SABLE (Stash Acquired Beyond Life Expectancy).

I have come to like knitting and crocheting a lot. I like to learn new techniques and create different items. I might even make a hat this year.When I feel like crap and not into doing much of anything, I sit and knit and it relaxes me.

Now I have proof on its benefits. Yes there are health benefits to knitting and other crafts. I'm not sure why it took so long for people to figure things out.

"Crafting can help those who suffer from anxiety, depression or chronic pain, experts say. It may also ease stress, increase happiness and protect the brain from damage caused by aging."

Basically when you are stressed, your brain is in the fight or flight mode. It doesn't distinguish between kinds of stress -  another chemo infusion or another PET scan or, to quote the article, a bear attack. But the brain can only process so much information so when you knit/craft, your brain focuses on the repetitive activity and your body relaxes. Here's the fancy stuff:

"Our nervous system is only capable of processing a certain amount of information at a time, he explains. That's why you can't listen and understand two people who are talking to you at once. So when someone starts creating, his existence outside that activity becomes "temporarily suspended."...

...The effects of flow are similar to those of meditation, says occupational therapist Victoria Schindler. Science has shown meditation can, among other things, reduce stress and fight inflammation.

Our bodies are in a constant state of stress because our brain can't tell the difference between an upcoming meeting with the boss and an upcoming bear attack, Schindler says. The repetitive motions of knitting, for example, activate the parasympathetic nervous system, which quiets that "fight or flight" response."

So I am happy to keep on knitting and selling my wares. And now I know that  its helping me in more ways than I expected.

A day to myself

Even though I work part time, I seldom have days to myself. I usually am running all over with volunteer work, errands, doctors appointments and whatever. I did stay home on Wednesday this week but that doesn't count. There was a blizzard and I couldn't go anywhere. And my husband was home so I spent time with  him. Not that there is anything wrong with spending time with him but it wasn't a day to myself.

Today I dropped my husband off at work because the car is being worked on. Now I am up early and have time to do the things aI want. I will go to the gym on my own schedule. I will deal with the garage and the car repair and I will pick up my husband later. But for most of the day I am here, by  myself - well with the cat - to do what I want.

Next week I believe I have three days with doctor appointments. And I have to get to work four days because of the blizzard day this week. I am not looking forward to next week.


But that is next week and I'll stick with this week first. I will enjoy reading the paper with my feet up and sipping tea. And focus on me for the day. Although I am really in avoidance of next week.

A Day Off!

Today is my first day off in months. Seriously. You may be thinking but she only works part time, she has lots of time off. My life is full of lots of obligations.

• Doctors appointments - none this week.
• Volunteer work
• Craft fairs - almost caught up.
• A huge DOD peer review project which ended just before the holidays (and I was very honored to participate but it took a lot of time).
• Research - webinars etc for work
• Planning, shopping, and cooking for Thanksgiving
• Spending time with family
• Spending time with friends
• Cleaning, making beds, and spending time with house guests
• Not getting overtired

Yesterday was recovery day from Thanksgiving. The houseguests were gone so we had to clean up and do laundry, go to the gym and all the normal things one does. My husband also wanted to put out the holiday lights but it was a little rainy. We also have stuff to put away after accomodating five house guests for several nights.

At some point in the afternoon I realized that I had no plans for today. Well almost none. I mean I am meeting a friend for a walk at 1230. I slept until 8am. I wandered around and fed the cat who was mad because he was reduced to eating dried food which he hates.

Then I read the paper looking for that cancer cure in the health section on Mondays as I optimistically do each week, hopped on FB to catch up with my friends, read blogs, think about cyber Monday shopping and then I started on my email.

There was a message from my husband reminding me (eek!) that he is bringing teriyaki chicken wings to work tomorrow for a potluck for 30 people. To be fair he did offer to go to the grocery store for the chicken and whatever else we need. And he did tell me about it weeks ago but evidently we both forgot.

That was a quick change of plans. I could  not find my decades old, much requested recipe for wings. Plan B, I called a friend of mine who also makes good wings for parties. She gave me her recipe (which is a secret - not! Take a jar of low sodium Kikkoman marinade and baste and pour over wings) which forced me to take a shower, get dressed, brush my teeth, and get to the grocery store asap (where I ran into a lady who was shopping in her PJs).

Today I now have lots to do. My friend will be here in five minutes to walk. I have to come up with something for dinner. Then once my husband gets home, there will be a few more things to do - like cook chicken wings, get the crock pot ready for tomorrow). Then there is a little pile of bedding to get put back in bags in the basement and fold five loads laundry that never made it back upstairs so I have to wait until my husband gets home.

So basically today I get to pretend I am a normal person without any health issues and just take care of life. That is very unusual.