Maybe I'm doing better

So people ask me how I am doing. Or if I miss a phone call they want to make sure I am okay. But maybe I am doing better. We moved and I get to live on a single floor most of the time. I retired and have more time to get things done.

However I still run out of energy, regularly, maybe even every day. Well, not every day, just a fair amount of time. A few errands and then I need a nap. So unpacking is going slowly.

I have had two days back to back of lots of errands and I ran out of energy both days. Last night we had pizza delivered because I was too tired to cook and then I fell asleep on the sofa. (I hate when I fall asleep on the sofa because then I have to get up and get in bed to go back to sleep and I never feel rested after that.)

Today I have some phone calls and one errand. I will take it easy and get plenty of rest. This may mean less unpacking but I think its more important to get some rest. And I am behind on my Lifetime movies on the DVR....

I do think we have a better quality of life here. The news from yesterday's local police report included: "At 12:35 p.m., an injured squirrel was reported." Not that I had concerns for my personal safety where we lived before but if local crime includes an injured squirrel, I think its a safer place to be. And the cats would be happy to check on the injured squirrel for the police.

Now I can relax

The past few weeks have been horribly stressful for me. I have been sick basically since mid-December. We did not really celebrate Christmas and New Years. And the move was very stressful as well between the lawyers, realtors, and bankers and numerous delays. Anything that could have gone wrong seems to have. Finally we got moved into to our new house.

Before his big adventure

But we were short one cat. Our cat, Boots, got out while at the cat sitter last week. I have looked for him numerous times, put up signs, notified animal control, shelters and rescue league. This morning I had a few minutes and was near our old house and wanted to see if maybe he had made his way back there. But the new owners were having appliances delivered in big trucks which would scare him too much so I left.

Then I had a doctor appointment and decided to make one more trip down to the cat sitter's neighborhood. I called Boots and he came running. I grabbed him and put him in the car. I had a can of cat food and the cat carrier with me so I could feed him if I found him. I also gave him water.

After his big adventure

He is skinny. He is a little more skittish. And he is exhausted. I need to check his paws to make sure they are okay but otherwise he seems fine.

I was extremely stressed about him being gone. I did not want to give up on him but was also concerned about what if we never found him. I could not forgive myself for that.

Stress is hard on me. I can't sleep when stressed. I have enough problems sleeping with insomnia and pain I had started skipping meals because of stress. I am happy to lose a few pounds but that's not a good way to do it.

Now I can relax and focus on unpacking and taking care of me again. I know I just posted this all on FB so if you read it there already you can ignore this whole post. This just shows how stressed I was.

One heck of a week

I haven't been blogging because I've been a little busy, to say the least. Yes I still have a cold. It keeps lingering which doesn't help anything. And it means I can't go to the gym and work off the stress.

During this week we have had all kinds of fun:

• The buyer of our old house's lender wanted documentation that doesn't exist. We had to jump through hoops to get a letter from the town on something that no one has ever asked for, ever. Our broker came through on this. But it cause a lot of stress, starting New Year's Eve.
• The buyer of our old house's broker is an idiot. They didn't understand there was any reason to do anything helpful, or have someone keep on top of things while they went out of the country for the holidays.
• The seller of our new house's broker is also an idiot. Although the seller was legally required to ensure that the house was maintained and snow removal was taken care of after they moved out a month ago, nothing was done. The broker blamed the seller for not making plans and then dumped it all on the seller's attorney to get it taken care of. I met her and I could tell she was more concerned with how she looked than actually touching anything. She never even tried to call a plow service, she made the attorney make the calls. And the attorney bitched about it at the closing.
  Because we had a storm last week which snowed and switched to rain and sat on the driveway untouched, it turned into a glacier that my husband spent hours salting, sanding, and chopping yesterday until a plow finally showed up. I told them we would go to the closing but not sign anything until we had proof the driveway was clear (so the movers could get into the driveway today). We were late to the closing because we needed to go see the plowed driveway ourselves.
• Finally, we took our cats to a cat sitter for the duration of the transition. One of our cats, Boots, got out some how. We found out yesterday morning that he has been missing since Wednesday afternoon. While my husband was shoveling snow yesterday, I was walking around near the cat sitter looking for him. I am going to head out this morning to go look for him in another neighborhood near by where there might have been a sighting. 

But finally we own a new house and are moving in today. The POD will be dropped off this morning by 10. The movers are coming between 8-830. Verizon is coming between 11-2 and the hutch we purchased will be delivered between 330-4. But I need to go find the cat.

Oh, my lymphedema arm is not happy with all this moving business. I might have actually carried things and am feeling it in my arm. And all my sleeves are packed so I have to wait until I can unpack to find one. but I have been doing my exercises which helps.

And my cold is still hanging in there. Yes I will go to the doctor if I am still sick on Monday.

Being an adult or cleaning the oven

We all have our quirks I know. I just have a fear that the stove will blow up if I clean the oven. The oven gets so hot and smells. I won't run the self cleaning feature overnight or leave the house while its running.

I have memories from my childhood of my mother cleaning the oven with those really nasty toxic chemicals. They smelled, they foamed, and then you were supposed to just wipe out the oven - using a sponge which would be immediately thrown away and wearing giant yellow gloves because it was so nasty.

After college, I lived in several different apartments with room mates and occasionally would break down and clean the oven. None of us ever wanted to. I mean, its probably one of the least fun tasks on the planet. I have a friend who jokes that instead of cleaning the oven, she moves - even if it means buying a new house, or a new stove.

I learned to compromise. I just kept a piece of foil in the bottom of the oven and another on the lower rack to catch all the spills. Then with an occasional wiping out the bottom and cleaning the window periodically, I was good to go for years.

Then along came self cleaning ovens. They were a huge advantage. You could skip the chemicals and let the self cleaning part work all by itself. But its smells like something is burning and might set off the smoke alarm. And I am never comfortable.

I kept using foil. Its worked just fine. I never clean the oven. I hate using the self cleaning feature, I always feel like it will catch on fire or something.

We are moving and we need to leave the house 'broom clean'. I have accepted that this means the oven needs to be clean. So this morning, I woke up and figured out how to self clean our seven year old oven. It took me a minute but now its cleaning itself right now. But it smells like a burned out potato skin and the house is filling with smoke.

But I am being an adult and facing my fears that the house will not burn down. We all have our quirks. And I will call my friend later today and tell her I finally cleaned the oven, because we are moving.

Comparing Stress Levels

Since my second cancer diagnosis, my benchmark for my stress levels is my reaction to bad news and how I handled my diagnosis news. Yesterday I almost hit that level again. We were just notified at 5 pm on New Year's Eve that our carefully choreographed house move next week, may be delayed, because of a problem on our buyer's end. The real problem is that due to the holiday weekend, we are stuck in a stress filled limbo through the long weekend.

When I read the news by email from our attorney, instantly the stress level hit me and I felt nauseous and overwhelmed. That is similar to how I felt at diagnosis.

Stress can have a huge impact on my body. I used to be able to measure my stress level by eating - I'm a stress eater. Somethings required a candy bar and others required ice cream every day for a bit - neither of which were good for my body. Sometimes long term stress made me go for a long walk daily. This is a more beneficial way of coping.

After cancer two, stress would lead to stress eating but as stress levels increased through surgeries and treatment, when faced with potentially very difficult issues I would get to the point, where food wouldn't interest me at all. Last night I felt gut punched and had to calm down a little to relax to eat dinner. By that measure my stress level was nearing my cancer 2 diagnosis stress level

I am still feeling the stress. I did not sleep well last night - gee I wonder why? Today, the most important thing I need to do is get more packing done. I am not motivated at all. The real problem is that I do not see an end to this stress.

We will probably not have answers until Monday, 3 days from now, and will probably face delays in moving. So all our plans will be messed up and we will have to scramble to reschedule everything - the movers and the POD delivery to start. And find a new cat sitter. And extend our cable service at our current home. And change the schedule for new cable and gas/electric service. And make new hotel reservations for our transition days.

Stress sucks. Maybe I'll just quit eating.

Happy Holidays 2016!

Happy New Year to all and Merry Christmas or Happy Hanukkah! I hope you all are enjoying your holiday season!

On our end, the holidays are not very holidayish at all. But we are making do.

I got the flu just before Christmas. This meant we hibernated. And packed boxes in preparation for our move next week. I was pretty sick and running a fever over 100 for two days (even though I did get a flu shot) before starting to feel better.

For New Year's, we are having dinner at home just the two of us (which is what we like) and packing boxes. I am taking the car for an oil change and getting my nails done in celebration of the holiday. Aren't we exciting?

Our biggest problems are packing and moving. Its so much work. Every room is full of boxes and more stuff to pack. It is very difficult for me to get too much packing done. I successfully make my back hurt every day. This morning I packed three boxes and now my back hurts so I am taking a break.

The last time we moved, we had a lot more going on. My soon to be husband was mobilized and spending all his time at Fort Drum. We were planning a wedding. And we were house hunting. It was a little stressful. But the big difference was I was healthy.

Now I am not so healthy and packing is much more difficult. I am not allowed to lift things (but I admit to cheating a little bit - maybe that is why my back hurts?) which limits me quite a bit. Its not fun.

So we will have a small New Year's dinner and get plenty of rest so we can continue packing tomorrow.

Happy New Year!

PS We are never moving again. But that's what we said last time we moved.