Being Open About Cancer

Here's a question: how open are you about your cancer diagnosis? I realize this is a matter of choice. I think of myself as being fairly open about talking about my cancers, but it took me until my second diagnosis to learn to talk openly about it. But I never mention it with  new people unless I am in a cancer 'situation' such as at a cancer patient event.

I think learning to talk to your cancer diagnosis is part of learning to accept it. (Remember those five stages of acceptance???) But as a result of seeing friends run for the hills at the word 'cancer', many of us learn to keep quiet about it.

Last week, my husband and I came to the realization that our lawn is not going to mow itself and we need a new lawn mower. I started doing some research and shopping online to get some ideas of what we want/need.

I decided if I am going to be able to do anything about mowing the lawn, it has to be easy to use. Self propelled is a must for both of us - our lawn is on a hill. An electric start means I could actually start it myself. There are many things I cannot do around the house because of my health so if there is a possibility I could help with anything, I try to make it possible.

So I started doing my research and looking for what is available with the features we want vs. the ones we can afford and found this in a real Troy Built mower review at Lowes:

"I used to use a Troy Built push mower, but when I was diagnosed with prostate cancer and started chemo, I began to lose the strength I needed to do my entire lawn with my push mower.
I decided to buy the Troy Built electric start self propelled mower.
Just let me say, I can now mow my entire lawn with strength to spare"

I was quite taken aback by this. I mean how many people would include their cancer diagnosis in a lawn mower review? If I had written it, I would probably have said "but when I was diagnosed with significant health issues and its treatment caused me to lose strength...." or something along those lines.

Anyway, I brought this up with a group of friends with cancer and asked them how open they are about their cancer diagnosis and what they think of this guy putting it in a lawn mower review. There were some snickers and then we decided:

1. None of us would have ever put their cancer diagnosis in a product review, much less a lawn mower one.
2. It must partly be due to the fact that it was a man who was probably less sensitive on his medical issues. (Not to be sexist but men tend to be more open and less concerned with the responses to what they say than women.)

We did agree that it really depends on the situation and who we are with on how open we might be. But how open are you about your cancer diagnosis?

Fear Of Recurrence

Face it, that's what we are all scared of. Will it come back????? Once you get cancer, you spend the rest of your life wondering at some level 'will it come back?' or 'will they catch it in time?'

The biggest thing about learning to cope with a cancer diagnosis is learning to squish that evil little voice that asks 'will it come back?' when ever you aren't expecting. Sometimes I feel I need a little punching bag or something that I can smash with a baseball bat and beat the crap out of when I feel the need.

[Actually I think all post cancer treatment packs should come with a stress relieving punching bag or something. Complete with a personalized baseball bat or punching bag. Something we could beat the crap out of just to calm our nerves. Does anyone else want one?]

I am serious. That evil voice sometimes is muted or is silent for a while, but we know its not going to last. Learning to control it from taking over your life what we all strive for. I can tell you that while sometimes I have to count back to the dates of diagnoses, but that damn voice never goes away. It lurks in the background. It usually grows in response to how near I am to a medical facility or personnel, especially when any kinds of tests are taking place.

The other little evil voice is the one that says 'what if I get another cancer?' Maybe we need a whack-a-mole game that we can smash to get rid of both.

We have nothing to fear but fear itself

I have learned a bit more about Jackie Collins and keeping her breast cancer quiet. It turns out she could feel a lump two years before she went to a doctor. She told People magazine shortly before she died that she was scared to tell her doctor because of her family medical history.

I think this is the old face of cancer. Cancer is not what will necessarily kill us these days. Cancer is becoming a chronic instead of a terminal disease. And many cases when diagnosed early cancer is not terminal.

The worst thing we can do is not tell our doctors about our health issues. If we hide from them, ignore them, or pretend they aren't there (guilty of all of these) for too long, the results will not be the most optimal.

And if we do try to pretend they aren't there, of course they will get worse and not better, unless its all in your head anyway. (Yes I am guilty of that as well.)

Hope

The one thing we all have to keep at all times is hope. Yes, hope. We all must continue to believe there is a rosier life out there for us.

But for a cancer patient, we must keep our hopes alive. What do I hope for?

• A cure for cancer
• My cancers do not come back

Two hopes. Nothing fancy. Two little phrases. Very simple. I work on these two hopes differently.

First I read medical research but do not obsess about it. I read about on going research and upcoming developments. I read about doctors' opinions of the research as well. I know not all research is going to help me. Some of the research may not pan out. Some of it will pan out but wont be available to patients for another 10-15 years.

But all of it gives me hope. I can see progress in the works to make sure fewer people go through medical misadventures, heal better, have a better prognosis, and lead healthier lives, even with a cancer diagnosis.

Second I do everything I can to make sure my cancers do not come back or reappear elsewhere in my body. I try to take care of myself. I go to the (damn) doctor as often as I should. I take my prescriptions. I go for suggested tests and other fun misadventures. I get exercise. I eat right (mostly). I do my best.

By being proactive in my health, it allows me to feel comfortable that I am doing all I can to make sure my cancers do not reappear. Or if they do, they will be caught early.

Hope is optimism and I need to keep it close in my life.

That niggling little thought

I love watching 'Chasing Life'. It brings up all the issues that us cancer people have to cope with and its about young people with cancer. I can relate, I just didn't have the support group they have.

This week's show was about that recurrence thing. Where April deals with recurrence issues. She gets a bloody nose and then a bruise and then the anxiety and the depression when a friend gets a recurrence. And there's more that I wont share so you go watch it. (Great show.)

But if you have ever been diagnosed cancer you can relate to that recurrence thing. The 'what if' or, actually the 'when', depending on your cancer's stage. Living with cancer means learning to cope with the niggling little thought of recurrence.

Face it, that is what we are all doing. We are all trying to manage that niggling little thought so we can live our lives as best we can. And that's all we can do.

Cancer fears

Normal non cancer people have normal fears - being bitten by a dog, speaking in public, getting the flu, spiders, snakes black cats, etc. If you add cancer people to the mix, their fears include cancer spread, cancer return, and another cancer diagnosis, on top of all the other normal fears.

With cancer, we need to learn to balance our cancer fears and not obsess over them. That is the hardest thing about a cancer diagnosis. Since my first cancer diagnosis, I have always had the thoughts of 'what if' cancer came back, spread, etc. What would I do? What would I want from my treatment?

And then it happened, I did get a second cancer diagnosis. That was the triple loop corkscrew roller coaster ride. And it took a long time to get the fears under control. I learned a lot in that time period.

First, I had to stop obsessing about cancer all the time. I couldn't live in cancerland 24/7. I had to get out of cancerland and be a normal person who went to work, grocery shopping, getting together with friends, spending time with my husband.

Second, I had to learn to let cancer have its place in my life. I couldn't cut it out completely because it had to be there so I can get the follow care I will need for the rest of my life.

Third, I had to learn to stop feeding my fears with the 'what if' moments and letting the fears take over my life again. I don't need the work/life balance, I need a cancer/life balance. Yes, cancer may come back again but it might not either. I could find a snake while weeding in the garden too.