Staring out the window, procrastinating

As I sit here looking out the front window with a cat next to me and another two lurking around, I am gathering my thoughts about today. I have to go to the gym. I mean I really have to. I only went once this week so far and am traveling again next week and will miss another couple of days. I took my time getting up this morning because I really needed some sleep so I feel a bit better.

I am procrastinating on my day. I have things I want to do - the gym. I have things I need to do - my medical school (which is fascinating so far) and some volunteer work. I have things I must do - two doctor appointments. These are the cause of my procrastination. I have been in avoidance mode for them. Well actually for one of them because it is a test and if I don't have the test, I don't have to deal with the results which will probably be okay. But because there is that 'what if' thing going on in my brain I have stress.

That is the life in the medical ailment world, mostly the cancer world but with most big ailments. You see a doctor and they send you for a test. They don't like the results of the test so they refer you to another doctor who wants more tests 'to be sure'. Healthy people who haven't had many medical maladies don't usually get this far. They get a 'see you in a year for a follow up'. But because of my ailment history, I never get that I always get the test 'to be sure' and sometimes they are not so good.

So I am procrastinating. But because I am hungry and need to get going to the gym, I will start moving. The question will be if procrastination returns or I allow stress to rule the rest of my day.