Life's Changes

The road of life is a bumpy one with changes as we go our different ways. As children we wonder where we will end up - do we want to be a fireman, a cowboy, a doctor, a princess? As we grow, we find our likes and dislikes and start making our choices. After we end our educations, we are ready to start out on our own with new adventures again and again. Later we settle down and start making decisions on where to live and what we want to do with ourselves. Eventually we decide to retire and live out our golden years. Along the way, we make our decisions and decide what we want to do, where we want to work, and who are friends are.

Usually this works, except when cancer or other health issues screw it up.

I read Scorchy's blog post today, Past Tense, on how her health, or lack of it, is making her to make decisions she does not want to do. She had to leave her beloved job, ending her career because she wasn't physically able to continue it.

I thought about it, my health has also forced me to make changes I did not want. I was laid off two weeks before my breast cancer diagnosis. I was so smart, I thought I could go through surgery and chemo will job hunting. I turned down job interviews because I was too sick to go. Eventually I gave up and took a part time, fill in job until I was back on my feet. After treatment I planned on getting a full time job. After treatment ended, I needed gall bladder surgery. Then my back started giving me problems.

I never got that full time job, I stayed working at part time jobs. My health never allowed me to return full time. I did have a career. I had a nice job working in Boston. I left it so I could work closer to home after I got married. So I got a suburbs job and got laid off. Then cancer, blah, blah, blah.

But I don't think I have ever really gotten over ending my career due to my health. I am barely able to work 15 hours each week these days. I battle symptoms from RA, fibromyalgia, and my back on a daily basis. Some days I get out of bed and I have to wait a while until I am able to walk easily.

I think I need to learn to cope with how my career ended too soon. Its not what I wanted. I am not  ready for retirement but I will never be able to work full time again.