Thoughts on Coping

I was talking with a friend today. She is having a nudgy little problem that is driving her crazy. She doesn't like nudgy little problems that drive her crazy. She asked me how I do it and cope with everything.

My reply after that, with some deep thought, is:

• Exercise
• Whining
• Prescriptions
• Bitching
• Ice packs
• Complaining
• Chocolate (preferably dark with cashews or pecans)
• Over eating
• Heating pads
• Under eating
• Substance abuse (just kidding)

I admit I haven't had the best week but I'm still here. Monday I was exhausted and in pain. Tuesday I was in pain. Wednesday I was okay but sore after PT. Thursday, its still morning but I feel okay, so far. 

Pain is no fun and its been way too popular this week. One of my many doctor appointments on Monday changed around some of my pain meds. But its still too early to see if that is helping me. So I will refer to my list of options above on how I will cope. But in the meantime, I might need an ice pack and/or a pain pill. 

Stress is Bad for My Waistline

This isn't a good week. (I swear I do have good weeks, just not right now.) The reasons why it isn't a good week is that I had an MRI Monday night so I was up way too late - meaning after midnight. Today I have a deep cleaning at the periodontist. This means they will inject Novocaine and then scrape way under my gums. I expect I will have soup or scrambled eggs for dinner. Then tomorrow night I have the sleep lab so I don't expect to get a good night's sleep again. I know I whined blogged about this earlier this week but I want to whine some more.

Yesterday I needed a two hour nap to recover from Monday night. I also needed too many snacks. Today I think I will probably be grumpy. I plan on eating lunch before my appointment which probably means some kind of fast food which is bad. But I think if I have some food in my stomach I will probably handle the teeth scraping better. (My dentist has told me this several times - eat a good meal before dental work. Having food in your system makes a big difference.) Also I probably won't be able to eat for a few hours after between sore gums and numbness.

When I am stressed I find myself stress eating. I know I am doing it and have tried to turn myself towards fruit instead of fattening food. But its just too many categories. When I am extremely stressed (think cancer diagnosis level of stress) I stop eating and actually lose weight. I need to lose weight but I am happy I am not that stressed and am at the whining stage.

I just need to watch what I eat and get through this week. Then I'll stop whining.

Stop Comparing

When I was diagnosed with breast cancer, I quickly learned every person's cancer is different - even if they have the same diagnosis. (This is why it is so hard to treat.) I learned not to compare myself to anyone else. In every support group, even if we had the same diagnosis, we learned how different all are.

I get this. We are all different. We can't compare our cancers to each other.

But.... why do I keep comparing my rheumatoid arthritis to others? I have to stop comparing myself. My mother has had RA since 1989 and a friend (exact same age as me) has had RA since the early 2000's. Their differences are striking. My mother was diagnosed when they only treated RA when it became symptomatic so she has many of the deformities and issues common among patients treated according to the old standards. But her health is much more stable than mine. My friend has had RA and has very few problems. Until she retired (for non-health reasons), she worked full time including much business travel and long days.

Me? I struggle with fatigue, pain, and more fatigue and more pain. How did I get to be so special? I try not to compare myself with my friend but I do.

As medical diagnoses go, everyone is unique. It doesn't matter if three people have the exact same diagnosis but because of their genetic make up, medical history, and other issues, each is unique. No two are alike (boy am I glad I am not a doctor trying to cure people). And everyone interprets everything different. Some people might be distressed by a little nausea and others may not think it significant.

The lesson that I need to better learn is that I need to stop comparing myself to anyone else's medical stuff. I am unique and so is everyone else. I just need to focus on this life lesson. I think I will stop whining as much if I did. Everyone else will appreciate that part.

Stupid blood work

I get blood work done all the time, or so it feels. Actually its about every two months for one doctor, every six months (or two or six weeks if there is a medication change for another), and then for anyone else who wants it. Sometimes I feel like there is a vampire who wants my blood.

Yesterday I had to go for blood work for one doctor's appointment next week and for another doctor's follow up request. I can't just go for blood work. I need to plan its so its before my weekly injections. Anyway I got the results this morning.

My thyroid tests are way off. This means my endocrinologist will call and probably want to change my dosage or at least have questions for me since the last time I had this test done my results were completely different than this or from the time before. Think yoyo results.

My CBC is partly okay and partly worse than normal. My MTX levels (the blood work you need with on methotrexate for my rheumatoid) are also partly okay and partly worse than normal. This means my rheumatologist may also make changes when I see her next week. Both changes, if they happen, will require additional blood work to follow the results.

I hate going for blood work. Its complicated (see above). I hate needles. They can only use one arm so options are limited. I have scrawny veins in my elbow so sometimes they have to 'look around'. Or if they wimp out, they use the big vein on the back of my hand - which is painful. Then I get to play the 'let's see what the latest results are' game and see if I need more medication changes. And go for more blood work.

A resolution

I have a resolution finally for the new year: I will stop using my blog as a place to whine, especially about moving. I use my blog to write about issues which matter to me which recently has included a lot of whining about moving.

Whining about things never really helps so its a non productive waste of energy. I have many other things I could waste my energy on - like going to the gym. That might help lower my stress levels it since I have a cold still again, that's not happening any time soon. That may be part of my problem. I have had a cold or ear infection or flu since the middle of December. And our moving is causing a huge amount of work and huge amount of stress. And more work and more stress.

I could blog about my health - I mean that is what my blog is supposed to be about, not about whining.

Whining is also a pretty negative way of coping. I need to cope positively, not negatively. Once the road to negativity starts, its hard to get back on to the sunny side of life positive side. Its a slippery slope and I need to stay on top of it.

I did blog about coping and sense of humor a few weeks ago. I need to get back on the humor side. I need to laugh at the crap life is dishing out more often. My husband did laugh at my hair this morning - which is helpful after a night of little sleep

One resolution is all I need for this year.

When your body lets you down

It happens to all of us - you reach for something and your back twinges, you get a bad cold, or whatever, they are part of life. But then sometimes your body really lets you down.

This became very clear to me one day when I was skiing about ten years ago. I was having a wonderful time and then I fell on one run. I thought I was fine but some man stopped and said he friend had gone for the ski patrol. I thought he was crazy but since he insisted on waiting with me, he could help me untangle my skis. Then when I put weight on my knee it bent side ways and I knew he was right. I ended up with a torn meniscus and a partially torn ACL which meant knee surgery and the beginnings of knee problems.

My body has since let me down in other ways. I seem to have collected ailments that won't go away. Tennis elbow, lymphedema, bad back, rheumatoid, fibromyalgia, and that cancer crap. They just keep piling up. Yesterday afternoon I got very frustrated with myself. I try to be a normal person and then my body protests.

Sometimes I feel I should be in a geriatric ward some place with all my aches and pains. But then I try to tell myself that I got through cancer twice so I can cope through all this. But its the continued emotional spiral of coping with aches, pains and scars that is difficult.

I haven't been getting enough rest recently. Nor enough sleep. This makes it harder for me to physically and emotionally deal with life. And since we are at the worst part of the chaos of putting our house on the market (which means I will take our toaster oven with us today so it will not be in the way while they take pictures of the house). I will bring it back tonight so we can have toast in the morning and then take it with us again as they show the house. This is on top of the list of everything else I have to do today to make the house picture perfect.

My biggest problem is with everything I cannot do. I can't carry stuff around (one of my doctors told me that I cannot pick up everything after I told him we were moving). I have to wait for my husband to be home to carry stuff around for me. I get stuck and have to wait for help so often. My body is failing me too soon. And it drags me down and I constantly have to fight back.

Okay, enough whininess this morning. I will go back to being positive.