So What Does RA Feel Like?

There is a big difference between rheumatoid arthritis and osteoarthritis. Osteoarthritis is the kind from overuse that causes your knee/elbow/hand to hurt when you over use it, or maybe even when you aren't using it. Rheumatoid arthritis is systemic and starts with your little joints - like your feet and hands. The joints become achy and bulge and more.

This article explains better than anything else I have seen on what RA really feels like:

Like the fatigue and exhaustion after climbing a mountain or running a marathon.
Like the aches and pains after a significant fall or being in a car accident.
Like the full body aches and pains of a bad case of the flu.
And the stress as you wait for a flare to happen and make all the aches and pains start again.

"However, in order to truly understand, you must envision your injury, the flu, and the exhaustion all occurring at the same time. You must accept that your body would not heal in a few days, you would not be refreshed after a night of good sleep, and your ‘normal' would forever be compromised. But like all RA patients, in time you would learn to adjust. Having Rheumatoid Arthritis is not the end of the world it's just another way of living in it."

Not only that you can't forget the mental confusion sort of like chemo brain.

This is part of my life. And add in all my other health issues and I am the picture of health.

I Just Want Some Sleep

I keep getting these awful muscle cramps. They have gotten more and more prevalent over the past few months. Sometimes the little tiny muscles on the side of my pinky finger start to go into spasm.... they may be tiny but they can cause a lot of pain. Other times its my hamstrings - both at once (just for added fun), or the front of my calf, or the bottom of my heel. Whenever it is, I stop doing whatever it was I was doing (sleeping, reading, walking, etc) and be in pain until it decides to loosen up. I often try moving around and a little massage. Sometimes I am still achy wherever it hurt for a while longer.

I asked my pain management doctor and he said its when muscles are overworked they can go into spasm. So what was I doing when I was sleeping that was overworking my calf?

I asked my rheumatologist about this and she asked me about how much water I drink (lots), how much fresh fruit and vegetables (at least one banana a day), and more. She said it could be some kind of imbalance but did have me get my iron levels checked (they were normal). I see my primary care in about a month so it will be a bigger discussion then.

All I know is I have enough problems getting a good night's sleep without waking up two or three times with muscle cramps. Grrr.... grrr.... grrr....

In The Grand Scheme Of Things

Yesterday I was disappointed about my weight. Today I am in so much pain, I really do not care how much I weigh. I want the pain to go away. It will take some time.

I had too much fun being a normal person yesterday. I went shopping - consignment store, yarn store, fish market, and grocery store. Then I came home and lay down for an hour and then I made dinner which meant I stood for another hour. After dinner, my brother had to help me upstairs because I was in so much pain. Now after almost 12 hours in bed, my back is better but not much. I will spend a lot of time lying down today. DAMN! I think I would feel better if I could get to the beach....

In the grand scheme of things, being fat is not an overwhelming problem in my life. I was just reading on FB that a friend is now celebrating two years of being cancer free because she had a recurrence. That is more of a problem than being fat. If you think about it: would you rather be fat and healthish or skinny and have cancer? Not a hard decision.

Losing weight would help me be healthier in some ways. Less body weight equals lower blood pressure, healthier organs, yada, yada, yada. But I can't get up and move more to do that. I will try to be healthier. But I have to stop being in pain first.

And before you ask, I have been taking my pain meds - a combination of prescription and OTC and I am on a weekly pain patch. This is not an unusual occurrence in my life so I have what I need to help stop the pain. If I went to my doctor they would tell me I was doing all I can.

Not A Good Idea

Yesterday, I decided I really wasn't feeling well and stayed home with Boots who is not feeling well either. I really wasn't feeling well. Everything ached and I was tired. Not a good day. My husband went off to work around 7 and left us both home (with the other healthy cat) for the day until 5 pm.

So I took care of myself by not exerting myself. I allowed myself to be lazy and have my body aches and pains and fatigue dictate what I did.

The sum total of what I did yesterday consists of watching 3 LMN movies, 2 episodes of Law & Order, and one episode of Property Brothers. I also set up my loom and started weaving with some beautiful chenille yarn. I also went outside to get the mail from the end of the driveway and supervise Boots when he went out for about 30 minutes. Not a lot of exertion.

Boots hung out with me. He went from room to room with me. He did insist on going out briefly (he hates litter boxes and prefers the great outdoors) but came right back in.

By the end of the day I felt a little better. I definitely had not exerted myself. But, and then comes the big 'but'.

On the downside, by staying home and not doing much, I felt totally isolated by the end of the day. I am not up to doing that regularly. I felt cut off from the world. I didn't talk on the phone to friends but had several email and text conversations. I also took care of some things I needed to do on the phone and online.

However, I could not live like that every day. I mean I physically could but would need to get more exercise. But mentally and emotionally, it would be horrible for me. I could see myself getting very depressed quite easily. And if I got deeply depressed that would have all sorts of bad ramifications that I won't even go into here. I am already being treated for 'post cancer' depression - which really should be 'my body fell apart before I was ready' depression.

I am going to call yesterday a learning experience. And one not to be repeated unless I am completely incapacitated and not expected to survive. This also reinforces to me the importance of one's emotional/mental state as compared to your physical state. They are both equally important.

Today, I am going to make sure I do get out and do things. It help that my husband is home. I think I might even go to the gym because I didn't yesterday.

Its Official

Today is going to be a bad day. Everything hurts. I didn't do that much yesterday. But for some reason I have a lot of pain today. My left arm and left side are very sore for some reason plus the rest of my back. (Okay, I did do some gardening and had a friend over for dinner.)

So these are my plans for today (after eating a delicious breakfast my husband made for me and delivered to me so I could eat in bed) are:

• Take a pain pill and wait for it to work
• Match the socks from last week's laundry
• Take a hot shower to help the pain levels
• Eventually meet a friend for coffee.

In the meantime, I think its time for some more bad tv.

Recovery Mode

One of my oldest and best friends came to visit with her husband. Now I need to recover. No alcohol. No walking around. No standing. No doing anything. And only salad for the next month.

Also I need to rest. They left under an hour ago. I am lying in bed with my feet up. Waiting for a pain pill to kick in so I can begin to move again.

And I forgot I have a doctor appointment tomorrow morning. Damn.

However I spent the last five days having fun and not being any kind of patient. It was worth it.