Deep thoughts in the middle of the night

Insomnia, partly caused by fibromyalgia which gives me fatigue and insomnia, causes deep thoughts in the middle of the night. Sometimes I actually remember these thoughts to ponder them further.

So what occurred to me last night was that my most significant health issues to me is no longer cancer. Cancer has definitely settled back to lurk but no longer dominates my life. I get to go to extra doctors, because of my medical history, we need to be sure, but cancer is not the focus. This is  nice mind set. I don't have the need to dwell on it in the middle of the night. Nor do I feel the need to dwell on it. Cancer is not worthy of any stress.

Back in July I saw my medical oncologist for my annual follow up. She took me off Femara after five years. The thought process was that Femara has not been shown to have additional benefit after five years and it could be contributing to my joint pains. But she said I could restart it if I felt stressed about potential recurrence. I didn't think that would be a problem and I am not stressed. And I might  have less joint pains than before.

Also my thyroid cancer has not been problematic. Its just there and I have extra blood work because of it. But its not a stressor.

However my rheumatoid and fibromyalgia tend to rule my life. If I bend wrong or spend too long out and about, they remind me they are there. Or I can not be doing anything and they tell me they rule my body. And fibro keeps me up at night.

Something is going to do me in at some point but I am not going to worry about it. Cancer doesn't deserve to stress me out. It doesn't deserve anything. Its just a piece of crap anyway. I am not going to waste my life worrying about cancer any more than I already have.

Maybe I'll get a good night's sleep tonight.

Not so restful sleep

I have lots of problems sleeping. Its tough to have ailments which cause both fatigue and insomnia. So being the good patient that I am, I spoke with my doctors about getting some sleep aids. I was prescribed one and given the caution that it can cause weird dreams. And it does. Yowza!

I get the weirdest dreams with places I have lived piled up on top of each other, with different friends, family members, pets, etc all mixed in together. I wake up feeling all agitated. I cut the dose to half a pill. Then I tried adding some anti anxiety meds, which leave me in need of a nap.

This clearly isn't working. I wake up having slept but with a knot in my stomach. I need a new plan here.

So back to the damn doctor I go. As if I need another doctor appointment.