A resolution

I have a resolution finally for the new year: I will stop using my blog as a place to whine, especially about moving. I use my blog to write about issues which matter to me which recently has included a lot of whining about moving.

Whining about things never really helps so its a non productive waste of energy. I have many other things I could waste my energy on - like going to the gym. That might help lower my stress levels it since I have a cold still again, that's not happening any time soon. That may be part of my problem. I have had a cold or ear infection or flu since the middle of December. And our moving is causing a huge amount of work and huge amount of stress. And more work and more stress.

I could blog about my health - I mean that is what my blog is supposed to be about, not about whining.

Whining is also a pretty negative way of coping. I need to cope positively, not negatively. Once the road to negativity starts, its hard to get back on to the sunny side of life positive side. Its a slippery slope and I need to stay on top of it.

I did blog about coping and sense of humor a few weeks ago. I need to get back on the humor side. I need to laugh at the crap life is dishing out more often. My husband did laugh at my hair this morning - which is helpful after a night of little sleep

One resolution is all I need for this year.

Keeping my sense of humor or coping?

Sometimes people ask me how I cope. I don't really know how I cope, I feel like I am muddling my way through life. Is that coping? Does that count?

The only thing I know I do do is that I keep my sense of humor as much as possible. If I didn't have a sense of humor, I would probably be insane.

My husband helps with this. He allows me to laugh at a lot of different things. And often at myself. At the right times. But he is also supportive of my ailments (even cooking dinner and doing laundry when needed) so I can live with that.

He likes to make fun of my morning hair. He tells me when I look like Yertle the Turtle when my hair sticks up. He tells me I am yertled. Daily. I can be in pain and achy and sore and he laughs at my hair. Sometimes he just says 'don't touch your hair, look in the mirror!'.

Right now I am recovering from the flu and we are into the last two weeks before we move. (And that rheumatoid and fibromylgia and bad back are so helpful during this.)

We finalized our countdown of what needs to be done room by room before we move. Its daunting. But we will get it done. Some how. And crack jokes as we go. Is that coping?

My doctor appointment yesterday

Yesterday I saw my knee surgeon. He operated on my right knee, formerly known as my bad knee, 15 years ago. He and his physicians assistant are very nice and have a good sense of humor, which is the most important skill any medical professional should have. I admired his tie - a Jerry Garcia. His PA cracked jokes and made fun of my use of my bad knee to climb up on the table. She told me I was supposed to lead with the good knee.

They both poked and prodded my knee. Physical therapy has helped but not enough and it has been giving way on me.

I did ask which knee was my good knee now. The doctor said the left knee was catching up to the right one (which has two meniscal tears and a partially torn ACL). He thinks there might be a meniscal tear in the left one now to go with the osteoarthritis in both. And he thinks I am too young to need a knee replacement yet.

Before leaving the doctor said does it hurt when I push here on the back of my knee? As I levitated off the table in pain, he decided it was time for an MRI and to come back and see him after.

The last thing I need in the middle of moving is knee surgery.

That bucket list thing

I never had heard of a bucket list before the movie of the same name. I did like the movie and need an assistant named Thomas to help me out sometimes. But do I need a bucket list? I am on the fence on this.

But here is this young woman in Wales who is terminally ill with breast cancer and was given 3-6 months to live, more than six months ago. She decided she was going to create a bucket list with the help of other terminally ill people. She is asking for help in figuring out what to put in her bucket list.

Some of them are:

• running naked down a busy street
• trying out her coffin dressed as Wonder Woman
• knocking over displays in stores
• riding in a race car

I would probably try those except the running part. I'm not that good at running these days.

What suggestions do I have for her?

• borrowing library books with no intentions of returning them.
• crap I can't think of anything else. 

Maybe I don't want a bucket list. But anyway. Go watch Rowena try all sorts of things and give her your suggestions if you are terminally ill.

You can read about her here.
And you can watch her here.

A little humor this morning.

I am going through a phase where my butt is dragging around because of my stupid RA and adjusting medication levels. I wasn't sure if I would be up for going to work yesterday or today. I did make it through yesterday morning and since I am up, I will go to work for a bit, probably just the morning again.

I need humor to make it through the day.

And I have to ask the question, which would be worse: being allergic to a favorite food or item or having cancer? At this point I am actually leaning toward the allergy thing. If I became allergic to red wine right now, that would really suck.

Keeping your sense of humor through it all

One of the key traits to help cope with your ailments is keeping your sense of humor through it all. If you lose your sense of humor, it will become so much harder.

I was reminded of this by this comedian who was treated at Dana Farber and then had a special show for his caregivers at the hospital.
I constantly crack jokes with the medical personnel I deal with. I have to. Otherwise, it would be too depressing. If I cannot see the humor in the number of punctures I get from regular blood tests, I might start oozing blood out all the needle holes.

• I need a frequent parker discount at the hospital's parking lot.
• All the johnnies are designed by Dr. Seymour Buttz. (Sound it out and you will get it.)
• Personally I wished they had ramps at hospitals so I could go on wheelchair rides like Curious George did.

Okay, my sense of humor is not fully developed this morning. Its Monday morning. I have chemo brain and fibro fog.

But I hope you get my point. Never lose your sense of humor. Life would be boring with out it. And cancer would suck even more.

Office Doctor

My co-workers have a sense of humor, especially about my health issues. And they don't know half of them.

Two of them were talking. One said 'go ask Caroline, she's the office doctor'. Apparently since I have 'every medical ailment known to mankind' (their words), I have the most medical experience and should be consulted on any medical ailments.

I guess I got a promotion.

Its a sad day

Robin Williams died from an apparent suicide yesterday. But I smiled after reading some of his most famous quotes. Here are some of my  favorites:

"Goooooooood morning Vietnam! It's 0600 hours. What does the 'O' stand for? O my God, it's early!" - Adrian Cronauer, Good Morning Vietnam (1987)

[Mork picks up an egg] "Hello? Hello? Anybody in there? Little hatchling brothers, you must revolt against your oppressors. You have nothing to lose but your shells."

"You're only given one little spark of madness. You mustn't lose it."

You can read the rest here.

But the sad thing is that he committed suicide after dealing with depression. I too have depression issues as do millions of other Americans. But no one wants to talk about it. Its one of those diseases, like hemorrhoids, which are embarrassing. The problem with embarrassing ailments is people don't want to talk about them. So they do not communicate them to anyone, even a doctor, which can endanger their health.

My depression got worse with my second cancer diagnosis but I probably had it for years before. But damn it, cancer is depressing. And coping with it, for a second time, isn't easy. Treatment was the answer.

I don't know more about Robin Williams' depression story and only know what I hear on the news. His humor always had a bit of an edge. But he did make us all laugh as we listened to him. It is very sad that he is now gone.

"Crying on the inside, laughing on the outside."

Shallowness has its place

When dealing with the stress, sometimes we resort to the silly side of life and satire. I mean why not? Its coping as best we can.

Shortly after my diagnosis, I read a great book called "Cancer Made Me A Shallower Person" by Miriam Engelberg. She was diagnosed with breast cancer in 2001 and died from it in 2006. When I read her book in late 2007 or early 2008, I think I threw it across the room when I figured out she died. I was mad. I was not ready for sad endings.

In the six plus years since I have often thought of this book and how I should give it a second chance. It was the first graphic novel I read so perhaps that is part of my response to it. Now, I just read this blog post on the New York Times Well section, living with cancer, Living with Cancer: "Chronic not Cured". Now I think it will read it again. I hope the library still has a copy.

I need to start my own

Not that I have any plans on going anywhere soon. But I read this obituary yesterday and, after laughing at several points, decided I need to write my own.

Someone's death, while sad, doesn't mean they should be remembered with sadness but by how they lived their  life. Walter apparently lived his life with humor and that is how he is remembered.

I want to be remembered how I am and not by little bits of information such as marital status, cause of death, blah, blah, blah. Let's keep life interesting. I better start writing stuff down now so I remember what I want to include....

I just wonder how long Walter's family will keep his ashes around. (And what are you supposed to do with someone's ashes anyway?)

Little bits of happiness in the medical worlds

The medical world does not need to be sterile and boring. Most waiting rooms have big screen tvs now. Chairs are comfier. They are trying to relax the patients a bit more.

I have been taking a family member for treatment to an area at the hospital where I haven't spent much time in a few years. I have noticed they are expanding the creature comforts for the patients and their family members. There is art. There is a lending library. There is saved seating. There is free coffee. Just nice little touches for long waits.

Then I saw this online:

A bunch of young men were seen running around a parking garage roof which is visible from the ICU rooms and oncology rooms of a Chicago hospital. I got a kick out of it. Apparently patients and providers a like did as well for its short life.

Engineering students made thousands of paper cranes for a hospital in Florida... The images are lovely and can be seen here.

While spending too much quality time at a medical facility, its nice for a little peek at something soothing or amusing.

John Hopkins did not discover a dietary cure for cancer

There are a couple of hoax emails going around that have gotten the folks over at Johns Hopkins riled up enough to write a rebuttal.

I do find this humorous in some ways. How many emails have you gotten offering you a cure for anything you want and more. Either they are based on some known item that you just need to eat more/less of or not something like not cook in saran wrap. Or they refer you to someone far away with a really long name who promises you an elixir or prayer or something else that will cure you.

There are a few things they all have in common:

• Typographical errors and misspellings.
• Bad English
• Over promising

Back in the 19th century we had quack doctors who went around the country selling their cure alls. Now they don't need the horse and buggy, they just need the internet and your email address. But just remember if its too good to be true, it probably is. Use your delete button.