I Don't Heal

Part of one of the many 'joys' in my life is that my body heals very slowly. When you have RA or other auto-immune disease your treatment often includes a immune suppressor, such as Methotrexate. I get a weekly injection of it (courtesy of my husband). It suppresses my immune system so am very vulnerable to germs and heal slowly. A cold doesn't go away in a few days, it can take a few weeks and can result in ear infections and other 'fun' ailments.

A few examples: I have this stupid ass wart on my foot that the doctor froze off September 1. Of course it turned into a big blister but is it healed yet? No. Its only 49 days later and its not healed. It still has a scab covering an open area on the top of my foot. I was supposed to have a follow up today but I cancelled it because there is no point. 49 days, that would be 7 weeks in normal speak, and I am not healed.

I had a periodontal deep cleaning almost three weeks ago. I went for a follow up last week and it was barely healed. And I had an area that was starting to cause new problems that the dentist had to lean up.

My husband had a cold last week which he nicely shared with me. I am still sick. I have been skipping my methotrexate shots in hope that I will heal faster but it doesn't seem to have made a difference.

This also can make a difference with any 'fun' medical 'misadventure'. Recovery can be slow.

Today I feel like crap still. I really would like to go to the gym and burn off some flab after traveling and eating badly for two weeks. But I am still not sure. I feel okay for a bit and then not as well. I debate - do I stay in bed or do I pretend I am healthy and go to the gym? 

Taking back my life

Over the past few years, my life has shrunk. There are many things I can no longer do - hiking, biking, camping, skiing, vacuuming. I have decided it is time to take back my life.

I used to go for a daily walk, rarely skipping a day. A habit started years ago. I would walk in the rain and snow and heat and cold.

In the spring of 2007, I was working at a small company near home. I started walking at lunch with a co-worker once or twice a week. I left the job but kept walking weekly with her, through cancer treatment. We would walk the steep hills to keep in shape. We kept going. Some weeks would skip because one of us was traveling or busy, or my back hurt too much.


Two winters ago, she and her husband started spending two months in Utah to ski so we stopped for the time. Last winter she went for her two months in Utah, we walked once after she came back in the spring. Then my back started hurting more, and my hip (bursitis). We haven't walked since.

I have gone for a few walks since then but nothing as regular as I used to. I do go to the gym and do an hour of cardio three times a week as well as weights and stretching. But long walks result in bad effects - including hobbling home and spending a few hours or a day in bed. I find I don't have the stamina for it. My muscles aren't used to walking any more.

I am determined to start going for regular walks again. I do need a day of rest after working out. But I have a plan. A dastardly plan. My husband has no idea what he is in for.

We are going to go for a walk every weekend. We have started already. We went for a walk at a nearby wildlife refuge last weekend. And on Saturday we went for a walk in the wind and cold on the hills around our neighborhood. This coming weekend we will go for another walk.

I want to walk enough so that we can go on hikes again, something we really liked to do. One of our first dates was a hike along the edge of a cliff on western MA where we got hit by a thunderstorm and literally soaked to the skin. I would love to be able to hike like that again. It may take a while but I do want to hike again. I enjoy being out in the woods. Its part of taking back my life.

I am tired of watching things I enjoy slip away. I'm taking back my life. And maybe I'll lose some weight too.

Lessons from famous cancer people

Just because someone is rich and famous and survives cancer, it doesn't mean they can invent a new way to cure cancer. There are a few I would like to mention here. I have nothing against these women at all but am concerned about the weight their name carries and how many followers they have simply because of their fame.

Suzanne Somers - she has a book out on chemo free treatment of cancer based on interviews with doctors. I'm sorry but there is no way to globally dismiss or prescribe any type of cancer treatment without a one-on-one conversation.

Farrah Fawcett declined conventional, FDA approved cancer treatment which would have required major surgery and resulted in needing a colostomy bag for life and went to Germany for a different treatment. Which unfortunately was painful and did not work in the long run. This reminds me of the families who went to Mexico for Laetril treatments in the 1970s. If its not approved here, there may be a good reason for it. And running overseas may not be a good idea.

In a recent article in AARP, long time friends, Melissa Ethridge and Sheryl Crowe talk about their cancer treatment successes. While I found the article interesting, I was not too thrilled with the last image:

Melissa 'turned off' her BRCA gene by eating better. And Sheryl meditates so that her cells function at a higher level.  I'm sorry but you can't turn a gene off. Its part of you. And maybe meditation helps you but it doesn't mean it can cure cancer. Being healthy can help you reduce your risk of cancer but don't think daily meditation will keep you healthy.

I can go on. These four women are ones who first came to mind. If you are rich and famous you have access to the best care and the best types of supplemental treatments from personalized workouts, professional chefs, and expensive organic food and personal doctors. But that doesn't mean your treatment is going to work for anyone else. And please be clear on that to your fans and followers.

Healing and methotrexate

These days a little thing can do me in for a few days or even weeks. I have had a cold that started last week and lingered into this week. I assume its the same one as opposed to a new cold (or the flu or Ebola). But I am slowly getting better.

I was a good girl and did not take my methotrexate last week - it compromises my immune system and I am supposed to skip it if even a tiny bit sick. I went to the doctor on Saturday for an infected toe. Not an ingrown toenail but an infection along the side of my toe. I have been on antibiotics since then. So this week I also skipped my methotrexate. Again.

Per my doctors since I have been on MX for so long, a certain level has built up in my system. But if I keep skipping it, how long until my levels start going down and my RA starts acting up?

For now, a little cold can turn into a lot more. I just wish I could get heal like a normal person.