Tolerance

I haven't been feeling very tolerant recently. What I mean by tolerant is being able to put up with other people's crap. It is not my problem if some people are acting pretty stupid around me, or are rude, or are just plain dumb. I do not feel the need to put up with it. I have enough going on in my life that I can be a bit cranky when dealing with others.

As a friend was telling me recently, I need to keep my mouth shut and not tell people they are driving me crazy. I know its not my business what someone else wants to do but sometimes I can be a bit 'outspoken' (as I hear peals of laughter in my head from the people who know me best). I recognize that I do think I can come across as a bit bitchy at times. I do try to be a nice person but sometimes I just can't keep my mouth shut.

Especially if someone is really pushing my buttons, then I get really cranky. Here's an example: a group of friends are trying to get together for lunch and a museum. Around here, many public libraries have discount museum passes available on a first come/first served basis. I don't mind getting the museum passes, because I am cheap and it saves me money.

But one friend (and I am not making this up) called me, texted me, called my library, and texted me again in a five minute period to let me know that my library has the pass available for the day we want them, they were available, and could I reserve it. I didn't require babysitting and I sent her a text back to tell her that. That all got under my skin for some reason. Why did she need to do so much? All I needed was to be asked to see if I could get the museum pass.

Am I over-reacting? I don't think so. It made me feel that she thought I was incapable of checking on the availability of the pass and reserving it. Of course my inner child made me wait several days to actually reserve the pass to make her sweat if she decided to micromanage me and check again at the library.

I don't need micromanaging. I am quite capable of taking care of things myself. Allow me to feel a bit intolerant for a bit here.

Luck and Cancer

Back at the beginning of the year I blogged about how a cancer diagnosis was supposedly just bad luck. This made me cranky because: IF IT'S CANCER IT'S NOT LUCK.

Now someone has refuted this study and says its not bad luck its environmental and lifestyle factors that cause cancers. Is this supposed to make me feel better? Did I cause my cancer by making bad lifestyle decisions and hanging out in 'bad' places? If so, please tell me where I went wrong.

I never lived in a 'bad' place. I grew up in the suburbs, played outside a lot, kept myself fairly physically fit, and ate fairly well.

I don't have a lot of the bad habits many Americans do. I don't drink soda. I don't go to fast food restaurants. I like home made food which is full of vegetables instead of eating in restaurants. Now I go to the gym three times a week because of my limitations but I went for a daily walk for more than ten years. I also would get a lot of exercise regularly between hiking, skiing, snow shoeing, and more.

I do admit to drinking alcohol, eating red meat, and enjoying dessert once in a while. I did smoke cigarettes for many years, maybe five cigarettes a day. I may have inhaled once in a while as well.

So what did I do wrong? What could I have done better so my health wasn't so bad? Now I'm really cranky. Grrr.

When your body lets you down

It happens to all of us - you reach for something and your back twinges, you get a bad cold, or whatever, they are part of life. But then sometimes your body really lets you down.

This became very clear to me one day when I was skiing about ten years ago. I was having a wonderful time and then I fell on one run. I thought I was fine but some man stopped and said he friend had gone for the ski patrol. I thought he was crazy but since he insisted on waiting with me, he could help me untangle my skis. Then when I put weight on my knee it bent side ways and I knew he was right. I ended up with a torn meniscus and a partially torn ACL which meant knee surgery and the beginnings of knee problems.

My body has since let me down in other ways. I seem to have collected ailments that won't go away. Tennis elbow, lymphedema, bad back, rheumatoid, fibromyalgia, and that cancer crap. They just keep piling up. Yesterday afternoon I got very frustrated with myself. I try to be a normal person and then my body protests.

Sometimes I feel I should be in a geriatric ward some place with all my aches and pains. But then I try to tell myself that I got through cancer twice so I can cope through all this. But its the continued emotional spiral of coping with aches, pains and scars that is difficult.

I haven't been getting enough rest recently. Nor enough sleep. This makes it harder for me to physically and emotionally deal with life. And since we are at the worst part of the chaos of putting our house on the market (which means I will take our toaster oven with us today so it will not be in the way while they take pictures of the house). I will bring it back tonight so we can have toast in the morning and then take it with us again as they show the house. This is on top of the list of everything else I have to do today to make the house picture perfect.

My biggest problem is with everything I cannot do. I can't carry stuff around (one of my doctors told me that I cannot pick up everything after I told him we were moving). I have to wait for my husband to be home to carry stuff around for me. I get stuck and have to wait for help so often. My body is failing me too soon. And it drags me down and I constantly have to fight back.

Okay, enough whininess this morning. I will go back to being positive.

My life

Apparently I need more sleep than I thought. This may be why I had a bad week last week.  I was cranky. I was tired. My RA was bothering me. Work was stressful. And made me cranky. I don't think I got through a full work out at the gym all week.

I was very tired by Friday night. Then Saturday I did a lot of nothing (well I went to a few garage sales) and then took a 3.5 hour nap. Then I went to bed at 10 and slept for 8 hours. I could take another nap today. I probably will.

I will work harder at keeping up on sleep this week. I might even fit in taking a few naps.

This is my life. I have to fit in naps. I have to take it easy. Regularly. I have to have naps. I have to sit around with my feet up.