Reading about terminal cancer

This is not my favorite topic to read about and sometimes I find it very difficult to deal with. I stumbled across this article by Melinda Welsh on how she is dying in a yearish. She has terminal cancer and has been told it will be a year or so, give or take. She is still in treatment and has hopes of a longer time but knows it will be the end, in a yearish.

A yearish is how she translated what her doctors have told her. Its a vague time frame but it has a finality to it as well.

I am also reading a book, As Close As Sisters, about a woman with thyroid cancer, who had cancer cells drift into her lungs after treatment. She is nearing the end as well. I like the way it was worded 'cancer cells drifted' but not the resulting prognosis.

I have to be in the right mood to read about terminal cancer. As cancer metastases are the worst thing any cancer patient wants to hear about from their doctor. I never used to be able to read about cancer deaths. I blogged about books hitting too close to home last week.

The copy of "As Close As Sisters" I have is from the library. I took it out three weeks and two days ago and it is now overdue. It has taken me that long to open it up. I started it at the end of last week and put it down. I opened it again at the gym yesterday and read while on the bike and stepper. I get a solid hour of reading three times a week while at the gym.

I hope to get through it this week but if it gets too much for me, I will put it down for a few days.

Reading about terminal cancer makes me face the reality of what my medical history could become. It makes me face my fears on some levels. Will this make me handle a nasty diagnosis better if it ever happened to me? I don't know. But I'll give it a try.

Some books still hit too close to home

I have always been a bookworm (hiding under the blankets with a flashlight as a child). I read lots of different types of books. After my first cancer diagnosis I found I would have problems with books on young women with life changing medical issues. I would stop reading them, get upset, and put them down. Some I never finished reading.

I have thought I have had this under control from time to time through the years but then again my angst rears its lowly head. I got a pile of books out of the library last week and was looking forward to reading them. I got through one and put it down to move on to the next.

Red alert! I didn't catch the full plot when I read through the blurb in the library. A woman has to figure out how to tell her best friends that she is dying of breast cancer.

I resisted the urge to immaturely throw it across the room and put it down. It sounded like a great book except for that tiny little detail on an impending death from cancer.

I have pet peeves about book reading. For some reason I don't really like books written in the first person but sometimes I will read one. I'm not sure why the first person bugs me but it does.

I don't mind books with highs and lows, emotional tension, or twisting plots. I sometimes wonder what is the real difference between a romance novel and a military novel. Sometimes I think that its just the amounts of lovey dovey mixed in with car chases, shoot outs, or high drama and a few dead bodies.

But its the causes of death which get me. Bullets, poison, large animals don't bother me. But cancer gets me every time.
 
It would be nice if it would someday I could get a handle on that.

What book to read?

This question and response below appeared in today's Boston Globe in the Ask Amy column..
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Q. A few weeks ago I ran into an acquaintance who has been fighting breast cancer for the last year. We had a lovely conversation. She is very forthright about her diagnosis, and her spirit is admirable. I mentioned I was midway through a book that I knew she’d love. I promised to share it when I finished it.
As it turns out, the last quarter of the book is devoted to the protagonist’s own cancer diagnosis and his eventual death.
Should I still give it to her?
The book is very good. I know she’d appreciate how this character evolves, but I don’t want to be insensitive. Then again, if you eliminate books with people dying in them, the library shelves would be bare.
What do you think I should do?
Literally Unsure
A. You should give your friend a different book that you also love but does not stress your acquaintance with an intense dying scene.
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I think I disagree. I would still share the book but tell her it includes a cancer diagnosis.I would say something like "I thought this was a great book and think you would like it. But I wanted you to know someone is diagnosed with cancer in it." Let it be the person with cancer's decision.

Many people are unsure how to handle cancer and talk to people about it. By sharing a different book, they are avoiding the elephant in the room.

I really hate it when people try to shield me from something or someone that they think might upset me because of my health. Face it, my health is a big part of me and by shielding me, you aren't doing me any favors. And you might piss me off.

Its Movie Time!

Tonight is the premier of "Cancer: The Emperor of All Maladies" on PBS at 9 pm. The book was long and the movie actually is in three 2-hour parts airing through Wednesday night. I blogged about this a while back, I also read the book a couple of years ago. During the past week, I have also watched several trailers as well. Now the Tivo is set up to record it as it is on too late for me.

I am looking forward to this movie, or mini-series. But I do have a few reservations:

• It was a long book and while it was fairly entertaining, it was long. It wasn't a book to sit down and read on the beach. It took some thinking and digesting. I would read a few chapters and ponder them for a few days or a week and then read more.
• Although I reassured some in my other blog post, it does concern me that it is it is about cancer, which is not the most cheerful of topics. And sometimes I am just not in the mood to watch cancer-cancer-cancer.
• Sometimes I have problems watching other people going through their cancer journeys. I have found some stories to be too drama filled, or sad, or have me wondering 'what were these people thinking?' when they or a family member were diagnosed with cancer.
• If it is six hours of doctors talking about medical breakthroughs, I am not sure I will make it through. 
• There is no way I am going to stay up (with a cold, on a weeknight, three nights in a row) until 11 pm.

So it may take  me a few days or a week or so to watch the entire six hours. I do hope to watch it and enjoy it. I will probably blog about it again when I am done.