About That Positive Attitude

Having a positive attitude with a bad diagnosis can be like putting lipstick on a pig.

The pinkification of breast cancer includes that perky little attitude with perfect make up and a big smile. Sorry but some days I just don't feel that way. I read this article about how the positive attitude requirement of breast cancer or other icky diagnosis can lead to a feeling of guilt. Um, yup.

Cancer (and other icky diseases) bring a whole range of emotions and some days, especially during chemo, a positive attitude can be fleeting. Or just not there if you are working on keeping your lunch down again. And after treatment its the same thing. And, as I said, its not just with cancer, but any crappy diagnosis, a positive attitude doesn't always happen.

I can tell you that my positive attitude can be virtually non-existent many days. Sometimes people ask me how do I do it. I think what are they talking about? I am just going through my life and putting one (aching) foot in front of the other (aching foot). Please don't tell me you are amazed by that. I'm not amazed. I'm just getting through my day.

The ever knowing 'them' tell us to keep our positive attitude. It will help us get through treatment better, prevent depression, and make us better people. Well, lah-di-dah, I try but I'm not going all out.

And if I am so happy and perky, what happens when I lose a friend or my next scan isn't as hoped? I'm not going to be so perky am I? And maybe I'm not going to be so happy. I might even feel a little guilt about my lost friend. And more guilt about a bad scan. What did I do wrong? Why did this happen to my friend?

That so-called required positive attitude can be a pain in the butt. I know it takes drugs and therapy to get through life sometimes.

Being positive

My  mother said to me yesterday that I always sound more positive in person than in my blog. I try to be positive all the time. But sometimes its harder than you might think. And that is why I have my blog - for venting. You may think there are other purposes but really I blog to vent. A friend sent me a long email yesterday to vent about her health and I suggested she start a blog.

But being positive can be like putting lipstick on a pig. You try to make it through the day with a smile but the smile can be harder to maintain as time moves on. Until you get to a point where you just say the hell with it and start telling the truth and the smile just disappears until a good night's sleep or pain pill kicks in.

Then there is the continued effort to live with the expectation that the next medical appointment will not bring some 'interesting' news.

My next doctor appointment is in a couple of weeks with my endocrinologist or the 'thyroid cancer doctor follow-up'. Last year's was very stressful, partly due to the ultrasound people who demanded new scans without telling me why and an idiot nurse who 'forgot' I was sent back to ultrasound. I am not sure how I feel about this year's. 

I can try to see about being positive and will keep lipstick on the pig for a bit. For now, until something changes.

Attitudes are everything

Through the medical roller coaster of a cancer person's life, what is the one thing that gets you through it all? Your attitude.

That's easy to say. Some days, my attitude can seriously be slipping. for some silly reason it can be affected by those minor things like pain and distress levels.

So how am I doing? Middle of the road someplace. Exhaustion yesterday which lead me to stay home from my aunt's 80th birthday party. Annoying not-ingrown-but-still-infected toenail that has me on antibiotics and off methotrexate. And if it does not respond to the antibiotics, they will have to cut it open... Ick. And my back is killing me.

But none of this is cancer so I will stick a cheery smile on my face and suck it up while I dream up some yummy dinner that will preoccupy me this afternoon.

If you were told you were at high risk of getting cancer, what would you do?

So genomics is progressing. The newest research shows that through genomics they can account for the causes of 50% of breast cancer cases. They also state that if you are at high risk, you can lower your risk by maintaining a healthy lifestyle - good weight, not smoking etc.

"When researchers looked at the top 25% of risk scores, they found that these would account for about half of breast cancer cases in the future. Using previous models, genetic variants could account for only 35% of future cancer cases...."

"The model found that lifestyle factors, which are in a woman’s control, can generally lower the genetic risk by half. And the higher a woman’s genetic risk, the more she can reduce it with healthy behaviors. So avoiding excessive amounts of alcohol and smoking, or maintaining a healthy weight, for example, can bring a genetic risk of 30% down to around 15%, while a woman with a 4% genetic risk of developing breast cancer can reduce her risk by 2%."

So those statements beg a few questions.

1. What would you do if you were told if you were at high risk of getting breast or any other kind of cancer?
2. Does the high risk seem as much of a concern if you can lower it by maintaining a healthy lifestyle?

Other research has talked about what you do at a younger age can impact your cancer risk later. But do teenagers really care about healthy lifestyles? The teenagers I know often eat a lot of junk food, drink soda and other sugary drinks, and are not as concerned with getting a healthy meal three times a day. Then twenty-somethings seem to switch to some healthier habits as they mature and settle down. College is a big time for alcohol consumption and other risky behaviors. In recent decades the rates of teen smoking are way down. I know these statements are generalizations and there are exceptions but I am using them to make a point.


So if you knew at 15 that you were going to develop breast or any other cancer at age 50, would you change your lifestyle?  Or at 15 are you less concerned with cancer and more concerned with being a teenager and getting in to college?


My opinion is that at 19 at my first cancer diagnosis, I was somewhat concerned with how long I would live, accepted the fact (eventually) that I was at higher risk of another cancer, and that I was going to live my life as I wanted.

When I was at the end of my treatment - surgery and radioactive iodine - I was told to live a healthy lifestyle and not to take unnecessary risks. My thoughts were summed up as I would rather live my life as I wanted than sit around waiting for another cancer visit. I did eat relatively healthily but I also traveled a lot, drank alcohol and smoked (yes!) cigarettes.

I don't really want any predictive modelling done on me, any more than a friend of mine could get me to go see a psychic. I'm happy with my life, I wish I was healthier but I can't undo the past.